Grandma continues to get worse. She is no longer to stand up on her own and even has a very hard time doing it with help as well. Her dementia is really bad. Some days she's so incoherent we have no idea what she's talking about, and sometimes she even has a hard time making words at all. Other times she seems completely 'normal', able to carry on conversations, although her memory is horrible! Thankfully she has not forgotten people, but she doesn't remember what she was doing while she in the middle of doing it, ie. eating, with a spoon in her hand! Today she was looking for her sandwich with her right hand when she was holding it in her left hand. :( Lately she has been talking about Grandpa a lot in the present tense. "Papa's at the theater today watching a movie." ?? He didn't got to the movies when he was here with us, lol.
On the 14th we started having Transitions Palliative Care coming out to help us take care of her. We have been blessed to meet Sarah, the Social Worker, Deva, the Nurse and Lusia, the CNA. They have been such a blessing to us already!
Today, when I went in to get Grandma up, I noticed she was having a very hard time breathing.We got her up to use the bathroom, but she said she was going to pass out. Charles took her blood pressure and it was 160/101! We knew Deva was on her way, so we got her back into bed to wait on her to arrive. As soon as she did she took Grandma's BP again (within 1/2 an hour of the time Charles took it) and it was 200/60!! She did a full check up and couldn't find anything else wrong, but she decided it was time already to move from Transitions to Hospice. We had to sit down and decide what to do if she were to stop breathing all together or if she were to stroke out. Fortunately we already knew what Grandma's wishes were, but we went over it one more time to make sure. That was tough! I try very hard to disconnect my feelings from what I see and have to do for Grandma everyday. I feel like it's my only way of survival. I think I've been that way all my life. You won't see me cry very often. The problem with that is that I haven't figured out how to safely and healthily (is that a word?) release those bottled up feelings. I want to work on that, for my own health, mentally and physically.
Anyway, back to Grandma. Transitions has brought a hospital bed in for Grandma, which has been a huge blessing. As she isn't able to get up out of bed anymore, it makes it so much easier for me to take care of her. I have also learned so much having Deva and Lusia come out and show me different ways of doing things.I am eternal grateful for them!
Saturday, Grandma woke up with a sore left wrist. We check it out really good (there were no bruises, no redness or swelling) so we decided to watch it closely and wait. When we got up on Sunday, it was very swollen! So we took her to the ER. (Grrr! The 4 hour wait is a whole 'nother story!) They ran x-rays and found no broken bones and no bruising, so they figured she must have just sprained it somehow. How is a mystery to us since she doesn't really do anything for herself! We wonder if she just slept wrong on it. Anyway, it's completely healed now, although I am still keeping the brace on while she sleeps to protect it for a little longer.
So, there's a very small glimpse into my crazy life. Everyday I find myself doing things I never would've thought myself capable of. I lift mine eyes unto the Lord, where my strength comes from... Pslam 121:1-2
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