Friday, July 29, 2011

2 days in a row :)

I wanted to share with you something wonderful that I have found. On one of the blogs that I follow, HomegownHospitality, the author, Stephanie, is always sharing some profoundly encouraging words that she has learned from other sites that she follows. She always shares the link to the other sites, and yet I have never bothered to check them out for myself... until yesterday.One of the sites is for a daily devotional video by Kay Warren (wife of Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Church) called "Choose Joy". Now, like I said, I just signed up yesterday for her devotions, but I already think I am going to greatly benefit from her after watching the first video. She seems very personable, down to earth. I can relate to her in that it has always been difficult for me to find joy in the everyday life. This is what Kay has to say about finding real joy: "Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life; The quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright; And the determined choice to praise God in every situation." I hope that if you are in need of some true joy in your life, that you too will enjoy Kay's daily devotional. I wanted to share a photo that I was reminded of as I watch Kay's devotional today. If you sign up, you'll better understand the significance.
"And the two become one..."
Hey, I never said it was a good photo! lol

The other site is called The Brave Girls Club. They are a a couple of wonderful ladies who want to share what they have learned from going through difficult times themselves. Their daily email is so encouraging! I think we all need a pick me up once in a while. Someone to just remind us that we are enough! That we deserve to be happy. To quote Melody on their site, "Do something nice for yourself today.  Love the girl inside you and treat her to something real and lasting today." I hope you'll do that for yourself, I'm going to try to do that for myself as well.

I hope your weekend is blessed by family, friends and lots of fun!

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Yes, I'm sorry, AGAIN! I know I've been a bad blogger, but life has been so crazy hard! I have told myself SO many times that I should get on here and blog. It always makes me feel better, to share a little of what's been going on in my life, and it's also a good way to keep you all updated on Grandma. Which is why I'm here today.

Grandma continues to get worse. She is no longer to stand up on her own and even has a very hard time doing it with help as well. Her dementia is really bad. Some days she's so incoherent we have no idea what she's talking about, and sometimes she even has a hard time making words at all. Other times she seems completely 'normal', able to carry on conversations, although her memory is horrible! Thankfully she has not forgotten people, but she doesn't remember what she was doing while she in the middle of doing it, ie. eating, with a spoon in her hand! Today she was looking for her sandwich with her right hand when she was holding it in her left hand. :( Lately she has been talking about Grandpa a lot in the present tense. "Papa's at the theater today watching a movie." ?? He didn't got to the movies when he was here with us, lol.

On the 14th we started having Transitions Palliative Care coming out to help us take care of her. We have been blessed to meet Sarah, the Social Worker, Deva, the Nurse and Lusia, the CNA. They have been such a blessing to us already!
Today, when I went in to get Grandma up, I noticed she was having a very hard time breathing.We got her up to use the bathroom, but she said she was going to pass out. Charles took her blood pressure and it was 160/101! We knew Deva was on her way, so we got her back into bed to wait on her to arrive. As soon as she did she took Grandma's BP again (within 1/2 an hour of the time Charles took it) and it was 200/60!! She did a full check up and couldn't find anything else wrong, but she decided it was time already to move from Transitions to Hospice. We had to sit down and decide what to do if she were to stop breathing all together or if she were to stroke out. Fortunately we already knew what Grandma's wishes were, but we went over it one more time to make sure. That was tough! I try very hard to disconnect my feelings from what I see and have to do for Grandma everyday. I feel like it's my only way of survival. I think I've been that way all my life. You won't see me cry very often. The problem with that is that I haven't figured out how to safely and healthily (is that a word?) release those bottled up feelings. I want to work on that, for my own health, mentally and physically.

Anyway, back to Grandma. Transitions has brought a hospital bed in for Grandma, which has been a huge blessing. As she isn't able to get up out of bed anymore, it makes it so much easier for me to take care of her. I have also learned so much having Deva and Lusia come out and show me different ways of doing things.I am eternal grateful for them!

Saturday, Grandma woke up with a sore left wrist. We check it out really good (there were no bruises, no redness or swelling) so we decided to watch it closely and wait. When we got up on Sunday, it was very swollen! So we took her to the ER. (Grrr! The 4 hour wait is a whole 'nother story!) They ran x-rays and found no broken bones and no bruising, so they figured she must have just sprained it somehow. How is a mystery to us since she doesn't really do anything for herself! We wonder if she just slept wrong on it. Anyway, it's completely healed now, although I am still keeping the brace on while she sleeps to protect it for a little longer.

So, there's a very small glimpse into my crazy life. Everyday I find myself doing things I never would've thought myself capable of. I lift mine eyes unto the Lord, where my strength comes from... Pslam 121:1-2